I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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