My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
