He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
