She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
