She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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