I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
