Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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