Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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