How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
