he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
