I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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