i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My vagina just clenched in fear
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
