we have officially lost it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
