You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
