I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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