Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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