it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
