hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
