Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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