so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
