I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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