I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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