What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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