For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
