I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
