Sry I called you an 8
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
