Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
