I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
