non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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