i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Barsexuality is the new black.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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