is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
