I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
