I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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