Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
