was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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