Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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