I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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