She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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