Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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