he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
