girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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