She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
