Just fell off a train. Bad.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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