I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Couch. On fire.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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