I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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