man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
