I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
