He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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