I'm really into asian looking animals
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
