recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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