Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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