I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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