Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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