For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
