when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize