So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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