Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
a search helicopter?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
