great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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