I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
