I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
