i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
