my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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