i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
