someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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