She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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