Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
