I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
