He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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