i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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